Come Hither

Orgasms are good--and good for us!

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Before I jump into this piece, please accept my apology for not publishing as frequently as I should, in this Stack. I won’t lie to readers so know that this is the truth: It’s hard to feel sexy when consumed with dread for the future. And, since the election, the battle to remain positive has been straight up the fucking hill.

That said—

You’ve read countless times that exercise is vital to healthy aging, but did you know that orgasms have similar benefits Yes! We should fuck with impunity if we want to feel and look younger.

As an older broad, I’m gratified that I can still experience orgasms. I’ve practiced a lot so I’m fairly astute at understanding my body and how it responds to stimuli. Certainly, one day, while beating a vibrator into submission, these old bones will say, “No mas.” But thankfully, I believe I’m still a ways from that “milestone.”

After a certain age, many people adopt an unfortunate stance that sex isn’t the high it once was, and admittedly, with our aging and often creaky bodies, a roll in the hay isn’t the flex it once was. Nor is it, as Hollywood would have us believe, aesthetically pleasing. How many seniors do you see getting their freaks on in film and on TV? A scarcity, my friends. Or, if they do, it’s for comic relief. We old bastards are lucky we can count to sixty-nine much less do it, right? Well, the hell with that. If I ever write another script, it will be about a seventy-year-old woman on a mission to get laid one, last time before she slumbers off to oblivion. Or, a book.

What do you think about that idea?

Anyway, as someone on a mission of her own, to age in reverse, I wanted to find out exactly how sex, and hopefully a resulting orgasm, can benefit older adults.

Happily, I unearthed more information than I expected, leading me to believe that horniness is not just for the young, but the young at heart.

By the way, before I share what I learned, know that I never use the term, “cum” as I find it offputting. It has an unsavory bent, so I prefer to go with “come.” So to speak.

I’m not crazy about the word, “pussy,” either, but that’s just me.

In case your memory has dimmed along with the collective intelligence of the American people, here’s what happens when you experience an orgasm. According to the American Psychological Association, an orgasm occurs when an individual reaches peak pleasure during sex. The body releases tension, and the perineal muscles, anal sphincter, and reproductive organs rhythmically contract. There’s a whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on.

Typically during orgasm, men will ejaculate and women will experience contractions in the vaginal wall. And sometimes, women will ejaculate—the fabled “squirt,” another moniker I’m not fond of.

Orgasms also result in the release of those feel-good chemicals, endorphins. And, hell, especially post-election 2024, I’ll take all of those I can get.

For us seasoned folks, Sexual Medicine tells us that sexual activity spikes an overall feeling of well-being. A study conducted by the Institute of Epidemiology and Health Care showed that older men and women who reported any type of sexual activity within a twelve-month span had a higher life enjoyment score than those who’d opted for a pint of Moose Tracks, instead. Although not noted, I assume masturbation was. part of the mix.

Since psychological well-being is linked with physical health, it’s easy to understand how this dynamic duo can help stave off the feeling of being old as dirt. Even better, AARP says that we’re never too old to have sex! Moreover, getting busy regularly can help extend our life span.

If AARP says it, you know it’s true. They’re the leading source of information for us older broads and dudes.

An organization that researches the world’s longest-lived cultures, Blue Zones, reports that in Ikaria, Greece, a region where people live significantly longer than average, more than eighty percent of people ages 65 to 100, are fucking!

Side note: I dated a Greek waiter from a restaurant in Chicago’s Greek Town where my friends and I used to hang. His name was. Manos and because he was raised in Liverpool, had a Cockney accent. He was sooo nice, so I blew him off. I was an asshole.

So, for you older folks who want to get laid and have the money to travel, you know where to go. Plus, I hear the grilled octopus is to die for.

Aside from those mentioned above, a variety of studies have found a correlation between an active sex life and a longer life. In 2020, an observational study of 15,269 U.S. adults by The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that death rates were about fifty percent lower for those who had sex at least once a week, compared with those who rarely had sex.

Wow. Fifty percent. If that doesn’t make you want to hop in the sack with whoever or give your Eveready friend a workout, I don’t know what would.

Fun fact: For most individuals, orgasms tend to last between ten and sixty seconds.

Of course, it’s not all fun and games. Often, vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction keep us from engaging in an activity that should be as natural as breathing. But, thankfully, there are measures we can take to help combat these conditions. Naturally, seeing one’s doctor is the first and most logical step, at least until we’re stripped of our healthcare benefits and then we’re on our own.

There’s always coconut oil, ladies but for you dudes—I don’t know. Ask RFK, Jr. He’s got all the answers.

Finally, orgasms are not only pleasurable, but the resulting flush of blood to the skin lends an immediate “fresh as morning dew” boost. Many of you women are aware of the iconic cosmetic brand, NARS, and the shade of blush appropriately called “Orgasm” which is its creator’s best seller. One, “Orgasm” blush is reportedly sold every twenty seconds, globally.

Launched in 1999, Francois Nars’s cult-favorite made waves in the beauty industry for its cheeky name. His fascination with aesthetics led to inimitable and everlasting makeup looks and products over several decades. High-end makeup looks. But for those of us with limited budgets, many drugstore brands did a decent job of replicating the shade. That said, the price has gone down over the years, making “Orgasm” blush more affordable to the riffraff.

When asked how “Orgasm” blush came to be, Nars said, "I designed the first Orgasm blush the way I design all my colors."

Nars came up with the name before creating the perfect shade. "When I named it, I always felt like it was a good way to actually get an orgasm by just buying a blush, so why not? I wanted something a bit audacious."

Well, Francois, it’s not quite that easy, but it is worth it. The real thing, anyway.

© Sherry McGuinn, 2024. All Rights Reserved.